A Difficult Journey: Infertility- Curveball

*I started this post a few weeks back but haven’t been ready to share as I am still digesting and processing all of this news. As the stress sits heavily on me and I can feel the tension in my body I know that it’s time to share. I have learned that sharing throughout this process has made it a lot easier to deal with. I struggle with that fine line of over sharing but feel a major sense of relief when I can share what I’m going through.*

“It seems that you two got very lucky five years ago!”

Those were the very honest very real words spoken to me by my doctor today (Aug. 26th). I can’t tell you how many times throughout this journey I have heard, well maybe the stars and planets were aligned just right that night.” You know what maybe they were. What ever the situation it worked out and I really wish it would be that easy again. Obviously it is not.

I had another fertility doctor tell me that 40% of infertility is related to a problem with the female, 40% with the male, and 20% both. (Give or take on her numbers and take it as you will since she was a terrible doctor.) But Andrew and I fall in that lucky 20% that she mentioned. I think that’s why it stuck with me so well even though we didn’t like her. Anyway, not only do I suffer from stage 3 endometriosis but Andrew has an abnormality in his sperms morphology. The surgery cleaned my endometriosis up and the Lupron did its thing too but endometriosis is still a ticking time bomb. With every cycle it could come back quickly. We (Andrew, my doctor, and I) were hopeful that a second semen analysis on Andrew would show that the first was just a “bad” snapshot. You guessed it, it wasn’t. While his numbers did show some improvement it wasn’t enough for our particular situation. So, now what?

Throughout this entire journey that questions keeps coming back. So now what, what’s the next step? Until yesterday (Aug. 25th) I thought the next step was us trying on our own. We were all so confident that the surgery/Lupron treatment would do the trick. Now my doctor doesn’t think so. He feels like the numbers in the semen analysis didn’t improve enough. The problem with morphology of sperm is that it has a major impact on fertilization. If the sperm head is shaped weird then it cannot penetrate the egg. The problem with endometriosis is it could cause my uterus to not allow an egg to implant. Anyway with our factors and medical intervention we can still possibly have a baby.

The suggestion made to us is to attempt Intrauterine insemination often simply called IUI. We can try on our own as well but IUI will give us a little better of a chance. The IUI process will increase the odds of an egg getting fertilized. (If you want to read more about IUI just google it. Thousands of things will pop up.) I will give you my version of what will happen. Take it as you please and remember I’m not claiming to know it perfectly especially since this wasn’t even in my consideration until now. I didn’t consider it because I didn’t think we would have to go much past surgery. Naive yes, totally human, yes. Anyway, I will have a scan done to check the status of my ovaries and uterus. They will be looking to see if my ovaries are still suppressed and if my uterus looks healthy. Remember the Lupron put me into menopause and the birth-control I’ve been taking is bringing my estrogen level back up. My body is still trying to put itself back together. After the ovary scan we will start HCG injections, start date will depend on what is found during the ovary scan. I will do HCG injections for 7 days. I will be monitored through blood work and scans. When I am about to ovulate they will perform the insemination. I will actually have two inseminations that will take place 24-48 hours apart. Andrews semen sample will go through a wash process before it is used. There are lots of reasons why this is necessary but it helps prevent infection and washes out the weaker sperm. Once the second insemination is finished we just wait to see if fertilization and implantation occur. I will continue to be monitored during this time as well. Now let me remind you, I’m no expert so I’ve probably got a few things wrong here but I feel like I’ve got the main idea down. I am sure that I have missed something since I have never done this before and things don’t ever seem to be as easy when going through them as they are to read about.

This is not going to be easy. It will most likely take a toll on me in many ways. It will also take its toll on Andrew. The thing is we will get through this. We have a plan of attack and a “line” drawn for when enough is enough. If IUI is not successful for us and we don’t get pregnant when we try on our own then that’s it for us. It makes me sad to think or ever admit that truth but the reality is we already have one amazing little boy. We have no idea what will happen or what is in store for us but we are hopeful and positive and happy with whatever the outcome may be.

I go to the doctor September 15th to begin this next step in the journey. I’m nervous, excited, anxious, hopeful, confident and completely scared out of my mind. It wouldn’t be a major part of this journey if I were feeling any differently.

One thing I have realized through this infertility journey is that when things seem to be going in one direction it isn’t out of the ordinary for it to completely change course. It is best to just cry out the stress it causes then put your game face back on and adjust the plan.

I went to the doctor two days ago for a look at my ovaries and uterus. My ovaries are still suppressed and there is a blood clot in my uterus. Once again things seemed to be going one way and now they are going somewhere else. I cannot start the IUI process until my body is ready. I stopped taking my birth-control and am waiting impatiently for my bleed to come so that I can hopefully pass this clot. It isn’t a large one probably the size of a marble or smaller and should pass on its own. I am going back to the doctor on Monday so they can see if the clot has passed; if it hasn’t or looks any differently than it did on Tuesday we will create a new plan. I was not surprised that something was “wrong” but I had no clue what it was. I have been feeling like something wasn’t right but I had no idea that I had a clot. The good thing is we will have another paycheck before we have to start paying for all the meds and everything else that comes along with IUI. Looking on the bright side right! 😉 Hoping to pass this clot soon and move on to the next step whatever it ends up being.


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  1. Vanessa, I just want to say that I am sorry that you are having to go through all this. I am thankful that you can vent on this page and I am thankful that I know how to pray for this situation. I agree with you in so many ways, you do have an amazing little guy and you and Andrew will get through this. Hang in there and God be with you throughout your journey. Love you

  2. Praying for you my sweet friend. You are a fantastic momma! This blog will be helpful for ladies all over the world battling the same thing!

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